We went on the scenic adirondack railroad ride this afternoon, where they stage a robbery. it was mad fun, and hilarious, with cowboys galloping alongside the train, and damsels in distress on the train, etc. mairi was nervous and kept asking my uncle "are they going to really SHOOT me?" LMAO!!!!

I got some great pics. man i'll have like 583992 pics when i get home, b/c i haven't uploaded ANY. oops.

then keith took the girls to the playground while i got some internet time in :)

i'm feeling hella tired of camping food, esp since i can't eat much of it-no hot dogs (ew anyway) and no deli meats...so that's about 50% of what we eat camping, LOL. I am making turkey tacos tonight, mmmmm.

i'm still so tired, but sore throat almost gone. ready for my BED BED BEDDY BED.

i feel like so much is going on, so many things, so busy, so much to do, get ready for, plan for, travel to, etc...i love being busy :)

Just a random side note-I don't think I posted here about my preschool dilemma for Mairi (or did I? ack baby brain!)

Anyway, I was going back and forth and only wanted her to go to my preschool @ the school I grew up in, but it's like 20-25min away and with all my doc appts, I was freaking out about it (plus they only have 3 day program, and I only wanted her to go 2 days) and I decided 2 days of dance and 1 day of soccer would be fine.

But Mairi LOVES to learn. I mean loves it. Asks me every day to look at ____ on the internet-right now it's teeth, she's obsessed with teeth LOL looking at animal teeth, people teeth, learning how they grow, why they fall out, how they have roots, etc. It's amazing.

Plus she loves to read, and she really wants to read, she keeps asking me "Mama tell me how to read the words" and i am like um...uh...hmm. heh.

all that to say that i really felt like she needed something a bit more structured and schoolish to really facilitate her appetite for learning.

I found this school that is run by a local mama, who is a member of the local AP group, and I've been emailing with her and it looks great. It's kind of $$ but I guess you get what you pay for (Ie preschool @ keith's work was free but not good)

so it's waldorf/montessori based, which obviously i love and i think mairi will thrive on, and there is also an emphasis on reading/literacy, which i think will also be great for her. it's a couple hours, and she could go as much as she wanted (3 days a week) but it's $20 a day, so i doubt we can afford 3 days a week-and we are so busy anyway-so for now i think we are going to look into wednesday mornings.

plus the mama is really sweet and is fine with me staying as long as necessary for mairi to assimilate and realize no one is going to stick her in a bathroom :/

http://sibleycenter.com/?page_id=3

Here is the school's guidelines for classroom behavior

Guidelines for Classroom Behavior

Your Child's Right
The child is free to work with any material displayed in the classroom (once it has been presented to him or her).
The child must use the materials respectfully and in a way that does not disturb the work of others.
The child may work at a table or on a rug, as is most comfortable to the task.
The child may not work at a display shelf
The child may use the classroom environment as his own and feel comfortable in it.
The child restores the classroom to its original condition with all work returned to its proper shelf and cleaning up afterward.
The child has the right to work undistracted by others.
He or she may initiate, complete, or repeat an exercise alone.
No child may join in the work of another child without an invitation to do so.
Every child's right to privacy and concentration is respected.
The child has the right not to join a group activity.
He or she may continue working with individual activities, or he may stand apart as an observer of a group activity without an active part.
The child is not allowed to interfere or disrupt an activity which he has chose not to join, and this is the child's responsibility to the group.
The child has the right to work alone if he or she wishes.
A child is not forced to share. Generosity develops from within as a child matures and gains confidence and security.
The child has the right to do nothing at times.
The child may be learning by observing, or may be thinking or simply relaxing. Again, the child may not disturb the work of others.
The child has the right to speak with others freely, to share experiences and socialize. The child needs to be respectful of those in quiet work, and so soft voices are encouraged rather than shouting.
The child has the right to move freely around the learning center whenever he or she needs to. The child needs to be respectful of other's work while walking about.
The child has the right to ask for help if he needs it.
The child must not disturb another's lesson, but must wait for the teacher's availability. Others are learning too!

I am feeling much better. I did not end up going to the urgent care b/c it is so darn far away. I just sucked it up and figured I'd get better sooner or later, and fortunately it's sooner ;) my throat still hurts but my headache is gone at least.

Time is flying, and I am ready to go home and start the school year, but enjoying the last few days of vacation as well. Today I am at the library-book sale and bake sale. Bake sale was a bit disappointing, as a lot of dry/crunchy cookies. booo. I LOVE a good bake sale, with all kinds of homemade goodies. so that was a lil sucky.

keith and the girls are at the playground, and coming back for me any time now. tomorrow we are going for a train ride where they do a faux robbery, i think that'll be fun. and mairi's never been on a real train, so she's super excited.

it was so freaking cold last night that i made keith put the futon in the van LOL. mairi slept in mary's tent with sarah. so keith and i had some private time ;)

all of keith's professors were pretty nice about him missing the first week of classes. but he needs to get his books and catch up asap when we get home on friday.

well i guess i should start to pack up, i had much more to blog about in my head, but now i can't remember of course.

Thanks for the responses to my csection question, I think I was not clear though, oops :)

What I meant was, how far along were you in your pregnancy before they scheduled your section? Not WHEN you had your section-i already know I'll be having mine at 36w, maybe 37w latest...I just don't know WHEN he will schedule it. Not til next year? Later in the fall? A week before I deliver? I just have no idea what kind of time frame that works on-I know someone did say that some insurances don't let you schedule it more than 8w out, which would mean I could schedule it in December I guess. And I know it could get bumped since it's not an emergency one and my ob is very busy. But I was just curious.

Thanks :D

I'm sick. I thought it was a sinus infection, and of course here I am without my neti pot, grr. Or any grapefruit seed extract, or even um A DOCTOR, LOL. Now I am not sure, i am afraid it's strep. grr. I feel like crap. and i miss my bed.

Other than that, things are good, Becky and Adam left yesterday *sniff* Sucks they had to leave. Next year they are going to come for the whole time. Becky's bday was yesterday, so we went out to dinner before they left. Chicken riggies, mmmm. I get them once a year, while we are camping. They are a CNY specialty, nowhere has them back home.

Keith's a lil sick too. Mairi's fine of course, with her iron immune system, heh. My aunt and cousin just got here today, so Mairi is thrilled. I think we are going to try to finally see Dark Knight tonight.

Book and Bake sale is tomorrow, so I'm excited about that. Then Bingo again later this week, and we are going to Enchanted Forest again.

Heading back to camp to sleep some more, and hopefully beat this sickness. I hardly EVER get sick (other than dvt/heart failure, heheehee!) and I am annoyed it had to happen during vaca.

Random question for you btdt mamas-when do they schedule your csection usually? I am super anxious just to have a date to count down to, ya know? I'll ask my ob at my appt next week, but I'd love to know when you scheduled yours, if you had a scheduled one.

TIA :D

It's kind of hard to have deep thoughts in a library.

I have this super long introspective blog that I've been writing in my head for days (since before camping, really) and yet it's like I can't fully pull it all together.

So I'll type what I can and see what I come up with :)

First of all, a good few days. Yesterday we went to Enchanted Forest, and it was really fun. Becky and Adam did their childless couple fun things LOL and Keith and I did kiddie stuff with Mairi. It was SO much fun this year, b/c she is really big enough to enjoy it. She adored the water slides, and even went on some ones that *I* thought were too big for her, LOL. But she had a blast. She also was swimming all over (over her head) with no bubble on! I had no idea she knew how to swim, for real, without having a floatie! What the! When did she get to be a big girl like that? She was all going under the water and everything!

So it was very fun and relaxing...and Keith and I had some great conversation on the lazy river thing (where you sit in the tube and float around) we just stayed on it for like 5 times LOL (with Mairi in the middle of us, she loved it!)

I just kept asking him "Keith, are we really going to get a baby? For real?" Because it was such this weird sense of deju vu for me, being on vacation, remembering 2 years ago, making all these plans "next year we'll need a bigger tent" and "next year we'll have a 7m old, can you BELIEVE it?" and on and on. And we started talking like that and I just started feeling like who do I think I am? That I deserve or will get this happy ending? that it's so stupid to even go there, to THINK about camping next year up here with a 6m old. That it's not my reality, it's not my luck or my life. That it'll just be us and Mairi forever. And that breaks my heart.

I was reading another christian loss mama's blog a couple weeks ago, and I was so struck by the fact that with no hesitation, she tells her almost 3yr old son that they WILL be bringing this next baby home (she's pregnant with her post loss baby too right now) and I just don't get it. We have no guarantees. I actually truly don't expect ANYONE to bring a baby home, until the baby is born alive and healthy and is home. Then I believe it. Until then, I just expect or think they will have a stillbirth. I know that's awful, it's not even logical in the sense that stillbirth is "only" 1 in 150, so that's obviously not everyone...but yet stillbirth feels so much more fresh, so much more real to me than a living baby. Esp for me personally. I am encouraged by all the happy endings I see with many loss mamas. But I am wondering if it's right to assure myself, and more importantly mairi, that we will 100% bring a baby home. Do I lack faith by not saying that? Do I need to speak things in faith? I don't know. I feel like I can only be honest with Mairi, and myself and say "I hope and pray every day we can bring this baby home". And we pray every single day, literally begging God, to let us bring this baby home.

I've had to calm myself down on this trip-if I was home, I would have been @ my ob's by now, b/c I am so nervous. I don't WANT to be nervous, I am NOT a nervous person, and yet I just do not know how to stop it.

I feel UNpregnant now. Which I know logically is just b/c I am 10w, I am almost out of the 1st trimester, it's normal and natural for my symptoms to let up. But I feel anxious and sad and scared that I am not sick to my stomach and pukey anymore. That I don't feel really as bloated at all. That my tiredness is much less. I want to FEEL pregnant, some assurance. I need a doppler, dammit. I have an appt Sept 2nd, so I am glad for that. And my tummy is still growing, my little bump bigger and bigger...and still a lil constipated, LMAO, so not all symptoms are gone, but I just hate it. I hate that I am so emotional and so NOT me for all this. Even in my grief with Catti and the hell I went through...I never felt NOT like me. I felt like a really, really sad version of me. But, still me. Now, I just feel so scared, so terrified, and completely overwhelmed with thinking of 26 more weeks of feeling this way, likely to get worse as I enter into actually stillbirth territory. Right now it's just m/c time and I'm this much of a hot mess, holy1!!

How do you people do it? You people, I mean loss mamas. Hats off to all of you that have had post loss pregnancies. I think probably all of you did them better and with more grace and faith than I am handling it, and I am really in awe of that.

And you'd think being farther away from my loss than most/alot of mamas, who often have post loss pregnancies within a year of loss, that I'd be stronger and better. I really thought I was pretty damn strong, and it's kinda throwing me for a loop to realize holy cow, I had no idea, and I am NOT strong and this is harder than loss, in a way. The loss was there, I had no choice but to cope, heal, trust, move on, grieve, whatever. This...it's like I can't help but keep anticipating the loss. And we all know anticipation can be a million times worse than the actual event.

I guess this should reassure me that I am still pregnant, having such crazy emotions, and feeling not like me-part and parcel of the fun of the 1st trimester-everything magnified and feels 100 times worse than it is.

It's just like I wanted Catti SO badly, and it almost killed me to lose her...and I somewhat ashamedly admit this, but I want this baby more, more than I even wanted Catti, so desperately, almost as much as I wanted Mairi. And to think of losing this baby, now or 20 weeks from now...sends fear through me like I can't even describe.

Stillbirth is so complex. It has so many ramifications, so many roots, so many tentacles that touch a million different aspects of your life and change it so utterly in ways you don't even find out or can't even imagine, 1 year after, 20 months after...it's really sucktastic.

Anyway, so I feel better now I've vented all that, and it really isn't that I am not enjoying my pregnancy, b/c I AM...I love and adore being pregnant more than anything in the world, and when I can just be in the now, it's all good. But we all know that much of pregnancy is NOT spent in the now. It's in anticipation and preparation for that due date. Buying things. Picking out names. Imaging life 9 months down the road. So on and so forth. And when I go THERE...it's freaking me out. I want to buy cloth diapers, but can I do it and be ok if I don't ever get to use them?

Lord, give me the faith of a mustard seed. I know I don't deserve anything, but please, please let us bring this baby home. Please. Mairi will be such a wonderful big sister, and longs for her new baby so desperately. Please God. Please.

And in slightly less melancholy news, heh, last night we were going to go see Dark Knight, but Mairi did not go to bed in a timely manner, so we did not make the movie. We are running her all afternoon in hopes she'll drop promptly at 9pm, LOL. She and Keith are at the Star Wars movie right now, and she was soooo excited to go see it. I wonder if she'll like it as much as the ROTJ, which is her fave one.

My brain feels so tired, I think I need a nap. Keith might have to run Mairi alone LOL.

Off to catch up on a few LJ, before the library closes.

<3

today was a hilariously random day. We hung out and ate a delish breakfast made by the guys. Then keith, mairi, gram and I went into inlet to a rummage sale. I got some new puzzles for mairi for a nickel each!! New in package.airi loved them and is really good at them.

Then I had a headache all afternoon so I laid around and read/ napped. M and k went swimming and kayaking and so did becky and Adam.

Dinner was yummy chx fajitas. Then we went to play bingo at a church in inlet. OMG it was sooooo much fun. And I won $20 and becky won the jackpot of $100!!!!!! Mairi was the belle of the bingo ball and was helping the caller and other workers lol.

Then becky bought us all gelato and they have wifi here yeah!!!

More tomorrow!!!

We are here! it feels great, and it's so relaxing already!!!

we went out to breakfast this morning @ Keye's Pancake House, where we go every first morning for breakfast.

It was good, I'm almost 10 weeks (OMG!) and the symptoms are letting up-not gone entirely, but much less than they were, the queasy sickness, the bloatedness, the tiredness is still here though.

Last night was so freaking cold and my gram forgot her blankets, ugh, so my uncle is bringing them up on friday when he comes, but until then I had to give her our other 4 blankets, so I was freeeeeeeezing. But I am glad we brought our futon mattress and not an air mattress. SO much nicer.

Anyway, this afternoon we are in @ the library hanging out, and in town...then back to our campsites, and maybe a nap (Mairi wants to go swimming) and then tonight the four of us (Becky, Adam, me and Keith) are going to the movies. I am so upset b/c Pineapple Express is not at the movie theater anymore, last night was the last night, waaaa! we'll have to see it when we get home.

Ok off to the campsite!!!

We leave tomorrow for vacation!!! I am so ridiculously excited.

Today we did about 583929 things, and STILL aren't very ready, LOL.

First of all, I am so annoyed, Mairi has pink eye. Marylou told me after our playdate last week that Jaren came down with a couple days later. So to watch Mairi. Hence I was keeping an eagle eye on her the past 2 days, and noticed a bit of crust and funk in the AM, and figured I'd better take her to urgent care. Luckily that place rocks and it was 20 min in and out-the doctor was highly impressed I caught it so early, but I told him I had a head's up or I probably wouldn't have. He wrote a scrip, and I got it filled.

mairi was ridiculously excited to go to the doctor, she LOVES going to the doctor, and only goes once a year for well baby check ups since she's never been sick. She however does NOT like her eye drops, and insists she needs medicine in her MOUTH not her eye, heh. Keith has it too I think, so he's just using her drops too. Hopefully my glasses have protected me.

Anyway, I don't even know what else we did today, I went to bed at 11 last night, slept til 10 and am still as tired as what. I actually kind of like the tiredness, b/c I think being so well rested is really, REALLY helping me emotionally-meaning that I am handling things better, and overall in a better place than if I was my usual insomniac self. So in a way, I hope I am this tired the rest of the pregnancy ;)

Mairi was crying for Catti in her sleep the other night. At MIL's house. I picked her up to carry her upstairs and she started sniffling and whispering "Catti, catti". Break my heart.

Had a great talk with my pastor's wife @ church on sunday. about all the stuff I have been dealing with, other's pregnancies, my guilt in how I feel or don't feel about them, and the grieving process while pregnant. It was really encouraging and uplifting to my soul, to feel like I don't have to be ashamed or feel like a bad person for my feelings. To hear they are NORMAL-to dwell on them and embrace them, that's not right, but to validate them, process them and heal, that's ok.

Looking forward to this vacation so much. Such good timing. Becky and Adam are going with us for the first week, it's going to be so fun. They are SUCH fun friends, and the fact that they are so amazingly fun and they don't have kids is really freaking awesome. They both love and adore Mairi, and treat her like their own.

And we get to go see all the movies in the world. And eat fresh homemade gelato EVERY SINGLE DAY, LMAO!!!

I will have my laptop, and there is wifi @ the library, so my addict self will go into town every few days (oh heck, every damn day, hahahaha!) and upload pics and in general torture you all with way too many pics and stories ;)

I need to finish PACKING. I have to get up butt early to go to the Public Market. And then we are meeting Becky and Adam @ Panera's for breakfast souffles :D My gram is going up with us tomorrow, then my uncles/aunts/cousins are all coming this weekend. And we are gone til the 29th, and then we go right to PA for some stuff with Keith's family, and back after labor day. *whew*

don't miss me too much ;)

Ok here are pics from last night, playing Rock Band and such.

First of all, Mairi was cracking me up b/c she wanted to "play" too, so she found a random wireless keyboard, and a random headset, and pretended she was playing the keyboard and singing, LMAO!!!

The guys looks so cute, something about guys rocking out, even if it is just PS3 ;)

( Rock Stars! )

Yesterday was a great day. Keith had a football game, so we went to that, and mother in law went too, she loves watching Keith play, it's so cute :) His team won, so that meant he was happy of course.

Then we came back to MIL's b/c she needed Keith to help her with some stuff around the house. I made lists for vacation while Keith did that. I also made puppy chow, DAMN YOU ALANA!!! LMAO!!! It was so good and I didn't have that much (why you might ask, b/c i am amazing with willpower? NO. B/c my teeth hurt like a bitch when I eat anything with sugar. It sucks!)

Anyway, then Adam was housesitting by Keith's mom's house, so we went over there for a few hours. His friend he was house sitting for is a single guy in his 30s, and he has like every single system and game and flat screen and just WOW.

however, suffice to say it was about as far from 3yr old friendly as possible, LOL.

The guy had rock band, so Keith and Adam played that for hours, and Becky and I played a little bit too, but mostly we talked. And this the guy's friend (who is a girl but apparently not a girlfiend, heh) came over b/c she was watching his dog at her hotel (she's from MN) and we got to talking with her and it turns out she's from the exact same town in  ND as hopefullytrying, AHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! It is the funniest thing in the whole world!!!

She was really sweet, and we enjoyed talking to her for like an hour.

Then I had to go back to MIL's to watch my boy swim, and eat puppy chow with MIL while we watched him,  heheheeee!

I got some really great pics of the boys playing rock band (which Keith has decided is our next wii purchase, lol) and I will post them when I get home. I am still at MIL's b/c we spent the nigh there. She and Keith went out to breakfast and to church, and I need to go get ready or I'll be late to church!!

i want ALL these shirts. they all make me LMAO. too bad I look soooo ridiculous in tshirts, grrr!!

Backrub

Baby By

Knocked up

Not Fat

Birth Control

I am 9 weeks today!!!

********************************************************************************************************************************************
Congratulations! Your amazing growing baby has been accepted into to the fetus-club, a very exclusive and exiting new stage in their prenatal development. Basically, this means the little sweet pea has graduated from swimming embryo creature to a recognizable human being! This week in particular, the irises of their little eyes can function, but (frustratingly for them?) their eyelids remain fused shut for a while yet. Their external ears are formed and their inner ears are now filled with fluid—so your little one is already developing their sense of balance. Your baby's little swimmer legs are still relatively, although other bodily developments are going forward at a nice pace: their kidney is actually functioning now, which means they’ve started urinating (this might seem charming now but wait till you have to start buying diapers!).
*********************************************************************************************************************************************

This is so exciting. 9 weeks feels much more pregnant, LOL. And I am proud to say that I am holding steady and have not gained ONE single pound. NOT ONE. YAY!!! I need to pick up the running and stripping (heee!) but regardless, I am doing good not gaining anything in the past 5 weeks.

27 weeks left to go.

Today was a really great day. Other than getting up early LOL. I got up about 8am, and we went out to Panera's with my aunt Laurie and my gram. mmmm breakfast souffles, SO ridiculously good.

Then we went over to the used bookstore in spencerport that we love, and I stocked up on a big huge bag of books for camping. (which will probably last me only 3 days camping, LOL) There were some really good books I had been wanting to read, so I was happy.

Mairi had to go to the bathroom on the way home, so we swung into mcdonalds. And as we walked into Mcdonalds, I see Choofy start making these noises, her excited SUPER DUPER excited noises, where she can't even get any words out, and finally she just couldn't even WALK, she was standing there hopping up and down pointing...

Lo and behold, freaking r2d2 and c3p0 on the door of mcdonalds, LMAO!!!! And they have STAR WARS TOYS so you know that Mairi was a hot mess of jedi geek up in there.

She was running around the foyer screaming "AAAH AAAH I see them ALL, they are HERE!!" and she proceeded to name every freaking toy in the display (which btw, there were like 15 characters in there) and the whole dining room is staring and/or laughing at this little curly haired princessy looking girl, who is literally beside herself b/c of star wars toys.

Again, wtf?!?! LMAO!!!! Did I mention that I really hoped it was dying out?

So then usually with Mcdonalds, they have a rotation of one toy each week, right? So of course mairi wanted the chewie toy, and she also really wanted wicket. but i told her they might not have either of those this week.

yeah until the stupid worker guy brought the ENTIRE BOX of freaking toys and put them on the floor in front of mairi. *headdesk*

wrong move, buddy, WRONG move.

hence, she wanted them all.

double hence, she was NOT amused to say the least when I told her she could only have 2.

"but MAMA, chewie will be so SAD if he has to leave his best friend han solo here, and han solo will be SO SAD if he has to leave his princess leia here and princess leia will be SO SAD if she has to leave her brother LUKE here..." and on and on it went.

she was so worked up about the toys she didn't have to go to the bathroom anymore, LMAO!!

she finally grudgingly accepted the 2 toy limit, with a condition that she will at some point own them all, or else the SADNESS! they will all be SO SAD to not be together!!! oy, that girl!!!

then my aunt was hungry again so she took us to friendly's, heheeee!

keith was done work he decided, so I had to go pick him up, and then had an impromptu playdate @ the library with babythunder and it was so nice, jordyn keeps getting bigger and bigger-the age between 1-2 is so funny i think b/c seriously, if you don't see a kid for any length of time between there, they just change so much so quickly!! jordyn was really cute today, and it was nice to catch up with bung before we leave for camping.

also, random funny note that i choose to believe is a God-thing, is that mairi and jordyn were on the slides outside on the climber, and there was this little (12m maybe) boy, blonde hair, so cute, and his name was Eli, AHAHAHAHA!!! I love it!!! mairi was excited too ;)

I am tired.

heart disease or myocardial infarction can create a toothache in lower molars and must certainly be considered by the dentist if no other reasons for a toothache are apparent.

also i found this:

Sensitive Teeth

What Causes It?

There are generally two causes:

     1) Irritated Tooth Nerve

The symptoms of this are sensitivity to hot or cold that is very intense and prolonged. You may need a root canal. (see our section on Root Canals)

     2) Exposed Tooth Roots

This is the most common cause of sensitive teeth. The symptoms of this are sensitivity to hot or cold that is of a mild to moderate intensity, which goes away seconds after the stimulus.

Now the dentist today said I have irritated tooth nerve, but my sensitivity is NOT prolonged. Instead, #2 sounds spot on with what i am experiencing.

Then I read this:
Cover The Openings on the root surface

Use a sensitive tooth toothpaste such as Sensodyne. These cause the crystallization of minerals in your saliva which clog the tiny openings on the surface of the root. Your dentist has various materials that can either be applied to the tooth to clog the openings on the root, or can be bonded to the tooth much like a white filling to clog the openings

He DID mention the sensodyne, but not the other stuff. HMMZ.

So I am going to buy this:

http://www.babykick.com/index.html

and they have some stillbirth facts on the site, and even though I'm sure I've read them before, every single time I read the numbers, my heart breaks. I feel like I know a lot of loss mamas, but holy.

12,000 stillbirths a DAY.

A freaking DAY. that's so crazy, so much pain, so much loss.

that's worldwide.

in the US, it's about 70 a day. so significantly less, but even so!! I don't even know 70 loss mamas. I know...maybe 20 max? Hmm, I take that back, I did join a facebook stillbirth group that's got a lot of members, but it's not like mamas i KNOW.

African-American women have more than twice the risk of stillbirth than that of white women.

African-American women 35 years and older have a risk of stillbirth 4-5 times higher than the national average.

What's weird about this to me, is I don't know any-well ok maybe one mama on that facebook group is black, that i remember. but weird that i have not encountered any AA mamas of loss.

60% of fetal deaths happen after 28 weeks gestation. The majority of stillbirths occur at or near full term. I did not know that actually.

It was interesting to read this-

70 lives a day are lost to stillbirth compared to 7 lives a day lost to SIDS. That is a 10 fold difference.

The reason being b/c I was thinking that I was going to be all nervous about SIDS or something, but I guess that's REALLY rare, I didn't realize.

This too interests me-
Unexplained stillbirth is the most common category of stillbirth for pregnancy at 28 weeks or later. Fetal deaths do not happen suddenly. Studies show that 50% of unexplained stillbirths are associated with intrauterine growth restriction, where babies are not growing at an appropriate rate; thus there may be a window of opportunity for intervention.

Well then why don't doctors SEE this?!?!?!?!

I really need a WTF icon. Anyone? :)

Next, I went and sat for HOURS waiting to get in, for the dentist (long huge story, only sucky part of our insurance is that the dentist I had my whole life doesn't take it, and actually NO ONE does but like 2 places in the city that are both sucktastic) So I had to do a walk-in today, to get seen. GRR.

I got there at quarter to 9, and finally got in at 11:30am.

And then the dentist sat in the hall and flapped his trap to a coworker for another 25 minutes. That was awesome. i was sitting there the whole time thinking "If that guy is just yapping out there, and then comes in and *I* have been waiting for him...GRRR!"

So then they were all super lame about me being pregnant (let me have ONE measly xray, even when I assured them my OB wanted me to get treatment and to CALL HIM if they have any questions, he said that himself)

The end result?

THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH ME.

Which is freaking hilarious and my gram was like "OH THAT IS GREAT" and i am like OMG NO IT IS NOT.

I am in pain. They will not fix my pain. That is NOT good.

Apparently I have an irritated nerve. No decay, no cavaties, just an irritated nerve, possibly two. He tried to convince me I am grinding my teeth (esp when he read about stillbirth, he was like "well if ever something is teeth grinding, it would be that i would think!"

whatever FREAK. i don't grind my teeth. he even said it doesn't really look like i grind my teeth (he did all these impressions and stuff to figure it out)

So i am left with NO REASON why my two molars hurt like a bitch when i eat anything sweet or cold, and probably hot too i think.

he rubbed ice on my tooth and i pretty much flew out of the chair.

so he is like "I am not trying to invalidate your pain, but i can't find any REASON for it'

I am so pissed. I hate doctors like that. where it's just impersonal wtfever medicine.

I am going to have to pay out of pocket to go see MY dentist. i grew up with him, my family goes to him, and i love and adore him. (he's also out in avon, which is another reason i wanted a city dentist, besides insurance issues)

So now i have to come up with money for that, b/c something is wrong with my tooth! the xray showed nerve irritation, and SOMETHING is irritating it, and it is irritating ME.

And then I was so pissed and so damn hungry b/c I hadn't had anything but a waffly at 7:30am, that I got mcdonalds :X

I want to say I feel bad for it, b/c in general other than my lattes, i abhor mcdonalds, but OMG i freaking love them when pregnant. i can't help it. sick sad world.

so i had a small fry and 4pc nuggets and mmmmm. it helped me feel better, HAHAHAHA.

i gotta go take a nap. my gram and aunt wore mairi out so she's ready for a nap too.